Journaling: A Simple Task with Profound Benefits {9 Reasons You Need To Write, Right Now}

There is power in simple, small things. For instance, all of us have felt that power at one point in our lives from just a simple hug that made a tremendous difference. During this particular time of social distancing, hugging isn’t an option for many of us. However, there is a simple and small thing that can make a huge difference in our lives in the midst of uncertainty when it is apparent now more than ever how much of life is outside of our control. There is power in simplicity that we just often overlook. This simple task doesn’t have a particular method you have to follow. There is no recipe. There is no determined outcome you need to achieve or a set number of required reps or word count. And it isn’t graded. This is something that anyone (including any child who can write) can do and reap the numerous benefits. The task is simply journaling.

I realize that I just probably shocked many of you with that response. What could possibly benefit me from journaling? However, there are several proven benefits from journaling and small things can and do bring about great and profound results. Here are just a few:

Journaling Allows Your Mind to Process

Journaling allows your mind to process in a way that no other method can. Journaling allows you to center your feelings and allows you to realize what it really on your mind. It allows you to problem solve and declutter things that are weighing on your mind but you didn’t exactly realize how or what. It is a way to gain the clarity that we all crave and need. It more importantly allows you a way to get out of the constant feedback loop of your thoughts as your thoughts escape on paper and allow you instead to be able to move forward.

Journaling Allows You to Focus on You and Become Your Best Self

Journaling allows you to unplug and without the pressure of meeting anyone’s expectations. Instead of attempting to write a post that is going to generate the most likes, you are instead able to spend a little time pondering and reviewing your life and the direction it is heading. You don’t need to worry about punctuation or spelling or the reactions of others. You can take a step back from the pressures of work, school and even your social life and decompress taking time to get to know who you are. Knowing who you are, what you stand for, what you dream or envision for your life and family allows you to be present in relationships and develop honest and healthy connections and become your best self.

Journaling Allows for Growth and Change

Journaling allows you to recognize opportunities for growth and change and to recognize what is working well in you life and what you want to continue doing. You will find that the more sentences that start with “I” will allow you be be the change that you are seeking in life. It only takes one variable in an equation to change the outcome and there is real power in pondering and deciphering for yourself what the outcome is that you are seeking and even more importantly what you can personally do to become that agent of change. For instance, if I really at my core decided that I want a family that is more loving, I can look for way to share kindness myself and recognize and support the kindness I see in others. Journaling is the best way to being able to determine what you really value at your core and gives you an opportunity to give a voice to the dreams that you have inside you and create goals that are meaningful and valuable.

Journaling Increases Your Emotional Intelligence

Journaling helps you give a name to a feeling and makes you more emotionally intelligent. When a feeling has a name, it is much easier to know how to manage that feeling and helps you to navigate difficult issues that often are overpowered with unnamed feelings. Your emotional intelligence is key in being able to create and recreate connections. It allows you to decompress and assist your brain to be able to regulate and manage your emotions in a way that nothing else can.

Journaling Can Improve Your Emotional and Physical Health

Researchers have found that journaling for as little as four minutes a day resulted in measurable difference in a person’s mood and and sense of well being. Additional research by University of Texas at Austin psychologist and researcher, James Pennebaker, found that regular journaling strengthens immune cells (T-lymphocytes) and resulted in a decrease in health problems and an increase in immune system functioning. Researchers have also found that students who wrote about meaningful personal experiences for 15 minutes a day over the course of several days in a row felt better and got higher grades in school.

Journaling Allows for Hindsight and Perspective

Reviewing journal entries is a great way to remind yourself how much feelings can change–even very powerful feelings. When you reread what you write, you actually feel the feelings that you felt when you wrote it and can quickly notice how much feelings can fluctuate and change and how temporary they are. Rereading the entries allows you insight that coupled with hindsight is beyond powerful. You aren’t just thinking back on events in your life, but you are experiencing the feelings you felt then with your feelings now and are able to recognize steps that lead to your personal success and steps that do not. Reviewing journal entries is also a unique way to see and recognize patterns–healthy or unhealthy–and help you to make decisions that can lead you to reach the life you have determined for yourself. Journaling gives you an inside perspective and ability to reflect that simply relying on your memory does not.

Journaling Allows You to See God In Your Life Regardless of the Challenges

It is hard in this life to feel like your life is being guided and directed especially amongst such uncertainty. There is a poem that is pretty famous but that is always been one of my favorites. It is titled, “The Footprints”. It recounts how it was only after a man looked back on his life that he realizes how he was carried and that he was guided and directed even and especially during his darkest times. Journaling allows you to see His footprints in your life.

Journaling Allows Us to Deal With Things That Are Outside of Our Control

We all love to feel in control. The examples are endless–from the weatherman who is supposed to predict the future and our outfit for the day—to even the school lunch calendar which can make or break your kid’s heart. Routine makes us feel good, like we control the outcome. Journaling is a great way to realize it’s okay not to have all the answers. It helps you focus on what you do know and the resiliency and strength we don’t always recognize in ourselves becomes apparent as we have daily examples of reactions to events that are outside our control.

Journaling Makes You Happier

Best selling Author and Top podcaster, Gretchen Rubin, devotes her life to seeking for ways and habits to be happier. She actually advocates for something she calls the ‘one sentence journal’ and even has a top selling one sentence journal and she has been journaling for 10 years. She has found that journaling doesn’t have to be a long task, but that it can and does make you happier. You don’t have to worry about the length of your journal entries or the content, but being consistent in writing can and will make you have a happier outlook on life.

There is power in simple and small things. Journaling is one proven way that you can reap a myriad of benefits that are proven to improve your mental health, and your relationships. So, make a moment to spend time journaling- start with just a sentence or thoughts on a topic of your choice or take an inventory of your relationships and life goals and where you are headed. When life seems out of control and you need to clear your head, don’t neglect the small and powerful gift that is the small act of journaling. I can promise you will be amazed at the results.

Key Strategy to Dealing With the Tsunamis of Life

Growing up in California, I have always loved the beach. I can stare at the ocean for hours watching the waves as they roll in and retreat back. There is also another phenomenon that I love to watch with the waves and it happened all the time. It is something that I can still laugh at when I picture it in my mind. The scenario is always the same– a loving parent would turn their back to the unsuspecting waves usually while watching their child or another person and then they would just get pummeled by an oncoming wave. Some would just scream as the cold water would hit their back while others would get lifted off their feet with the force of the wave and then be brought into the shore. Even though they were in the ocean and knew there were waves, they just didn’t see it coming and weren’t prepared for the impact of the wave. I feel like that happens to all of us in life, inadvertently hit by unsuspecting waves or events that we didn’t see coming or didn’t realize would impact us the way that they did. There is a tip that can help all of us when we are faced with these moments in life, and that is to focus on what you do know.

The force of these powerful waves or events in our lives often knock us to our knees. What you thought you knew–how you saw your life– suddenly shifts and you are left confused and full of questions. Humbled with how much you didn’t know and now overwhelmed with all you do not know. Phrases like, “I don’t know what to do” and “I just don’t know anything anymore” are often voiced.

When you loose your bearings and you are not sure which way to turn, it is a natural reaction to simply not move at all. However, the heavy and depressing feelings that weigh us down without a counter reaction then gain more power to continue the downward spiral. They make it difficult to remember good times or memories. They make it hard to feel peace and instead pull us downwards in despair. In times like these, there is a strategy that can assist us to taking a step in the right direction. The key is to focus on what you do know.

What you know is going to vary by person and experience but I will try and elaborate with a few examples. For instance, just this morning, I awoke to news about a friend’s granddaughter who was in the ICU fighting for her life. This event absolutely blindsighted and overwhelmed the family as they helplessly watched their little girl being assisted by medical teams to save her life. The girl with the biggest personality was now sedated with multiple IVs/infusions and there were more questions than answers. But there were things that they did know and by concentrating on those, there is a way to face forward and stand among such difficult circumstances. They know that their little girl is getting the best care at the best facility possible. They know that God answers prayers. They know they are loved and that they are not alone. Focusing on what you do know allows you a path forward in the darkness and confusion of what we don’t know.

Another example was when a friend found out that her recently married husband was addicted to pornography. This revelation washed over her just like the waves at the beach and she felt washed up on the sand without hope. It was in the act of focusing on what she knew that gave her the courage to get up off the sand. She had to learn at her core who she was, that she had value and what that meant. In realizing her value, she was able to see her husband’s value and his battle with addiction and the shame associated. Focusing on knowing there is a way to overcome addictions with hard work allowed her a path forward.

Focusing on what you know doesn’t mean that things will work out the way you would want them to. I have another friend whose husband lost his job. Finances were tight and this new revelation was crushing. However, instead of wallowing in despair or anger over the circumstances of his termination, they focused on what they did know. What assets they had that they could use while he sought other employment and what they could do to limit their spending. Focusing on what they knew–that he was a hard worker, that he could be a valuable employee, that others would assist them in finding suitable employment allowed them a way to move forward.

There will and should always be things that we don’t know. We don’t and won’t know everything in this life. There will always be opportunities for growth and learning. Walking in the unknown is difficult. We would all much rather know the outcome before we start walking. My husband often will research a movie before we watch it in hopes to know the ending and if the movie is good.–although I can personally tell you this has not prevented us from watching some really lame and worthless movies. While it is difficult not to have all the answers before we start walking, we are required to take steps before we know all the answers.

Life can become dark and confusing at times and without knowing where you are headed or how you are going to get there, it makes it difficult to walk. However, you don’t need to worry about the speed of how fast you are getting to your destination but that you are taking steps in the right direction. And that involves focusing on what you know. There is a scripture in the Bible in Isaiah that I often reflect on where this idea is emphasized: “Behold, all ye that kindle a fire, that compass yourself about with sparks: walk in the light of your fire, and in the sparks that ye have kindled” (Isaiah 50:11). Sometimes in building a fire or focusing on what we know, it isn’t a lot. It might just be sparks. We all at times are going to walking in darkness, and sometimes it might only be the sparks that are guiding us. However, even if we are only guided by the sparks, we will still be guided. So, the next time you are hit by an unexpected wave, remember to focus on what you know–it will help you to take a step into the unknown.

Top 5 Strategies to Help Manage Grief

The Holidays are often a time that many look forward to each year but for others serves as a reminder that life is not the same. While there are no ways to change that loved ones are not here with us, there are ways that we can process the grief that at times feels overwhelming. Grief is something that all of us are guaranteed to experience in this life. And though it will be experienced by everyone, each person is going to process it differently. The key is to find ways and outlets to express that grief. Here are five strategies to help manage and cope with grief.

Find Ways For Their Legacy to Live On

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot. All of the unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” Jamie Anderson

You can find ways to express the love that you would want to give but cannot. While they may not physically be here to hug or participate, you can find ways that their legacy can live on. Many sponsor events such as golf tournaments or running events and donate the money to a cause that their loved one supported. Some purchase benches or seats in the honor of their loved one. However, it can also be as simple as doing and act of service or something that they would have done in their honor. For instance, you can go and collect all the carts in a busy shopping center, make their favorite cookie or meal and bring it to someone else, pay for a drink or a meal of the person behind you, donate a newborn outfit to the hospital in their honor. Finding a way to have their honor or legacy live on is a very cathartic way to process grief.

Rituals

Rituals also have a great role in being able to express grief. Hiking on their favorite trail, leaving a pebble on their headstone when you visit, releasing their favorite color balloon, watching old videos or looking through photo albums on their birthday. Rituals and activities such as these allow you to send a postcard that “I remember you” or a way to say “Thinking of you” when those moments come.

Physical Momentos

Physical reminders also serve as a way to process grief. From pillows or blankets made from old shirts, necklaces made from their handwriting, birthstone or handprint, a token from items they collected that can be displayed, being able to physically hold something when you cannot hold your love one is an avenue that has shown to make a big difference in expressing grief. Just this past week, a friend whose brother had recently passed away from cancer wore his shirt to the movie theater to watch Star Wars. Physical momentos are a powerful way to express and process grief.

Find An Expression

There is a lyric from a song released this year by Craig Morgan. He wrote it as an expression of grief in tribute to his son who passed away in a drowning accident. “My boy’s not here, but he ain’t gone.”

It is important to be able to find an expression for your grief whether from art, writing poems, lyrics or a song, or even just journaling. Grief is not something that can be controlled and is often just under the surface but when you have an avenue to express the grief you are feeling, it becomes manageable. The pain is still there but that pain becomes a reminder of the love and then the love has an outlet to be expressed.

Reach Out

If there is one thing that you could do to help someone who is grieving, it is simply this–allow them to have an expression. Sometimes we fear causing them pain by bringing up old memories and feeling like we are opening up old wounds, but the most pain they feel is when the rest of the world isn’t grieving and recognizing their grief. So what can you do? Remember them. Allow them an avenue to talk about their loved one. Unexpressed or suppressed grief is painful. When the grief surfaces, allow them the space and avenues to express it. Those who have researched grief have found that the number one difference made in dealing with grief was the support the person felt while they were experiencing it. You can be that difference for someone.

No matter how old you are, no matter what your gender, your education level, how much money you have, where you live…we will all experience grief. While we will all experience it differently, finding ways to express and process this grief will allow us all to manage the role that grief plays in our lives.

If you found this article helpful, please like and share. Thank you.

For more information and to understand the grief that you might be experiencing or the grief a loved one is going through, here is a quick article:

https://practicallyspeakingwithbrita.com/2019/04/10/truth-or-myth-grief-is-something-that-you-should-get-over-myth-5-truths-to-help-understand-and-cope-with-grief/

Top Tip to Stop Negative Self-Talk

It has often been said that the greatest battles we face are the battles within our own mind. Today’s tip is a simple one, but can make a tremendous difference in combating this war with a simple tool I call the thought check.

The thought check is a quick and effective exercise in gaging how we are treating ourselves. Here is how it works: you simply imagine your best friend committing the same error that you have. How would you respond to them?

For instance, you are late for an important meeting or for picking up carpool. What would you tell your friend if they were to relay to you that they were late for an important meeting or picking up carpool? Would you berate them or attack their character with phrases like, “You are such an idiot and are so unreliable.” “Why can’t you get your act together?” No, that would be absolutely crazy. While the fact they were late doesn’t change, you would probably be empathetic to their plight and express that this does not define their character and maybe you would offer some perspective or advice–“Everybody’s late sometimes. Maybe next time you could try taking a different route–that freeway is so backed up at that hour.” “I know that you are feeling embarrassed right now. This isn’t you. They will get to know that you will be there next time on time. Everything is going to be okay. “

You then repeat those phrases to yourself that you would tell your best friend rather than the internal negative dialogue that we often berate ourselves with. This tool allows yourself the grace and room to acknowledge weaknesses and shortcomings but from a place of love and growth that allow you to become better. So the next time you recognize a mistake and the negative inner dialogue you tell yourself, simply stop and tell your mind to do a “Thought Check”. Become your own best friend. We all spend a lot of time in our own heads– make it a place where you would want to be.

The Key To Making It Through The Storms of Life

Currently, Hurricane Dorian is extending its path of destruction from the Bahamas where 110 mph winds have decimated islands, and is heading towards Florida. Despite having more technological advances than any time in history and even with all of the scientific resources, there is still no controlling the weather. Storms are a part of life. While not everyone in this life will experience a hurricane, everyone as part of life is going to experience internal storms of life–each as unique as the individual experiencing them. Every storm is different and the reactions to the storms are as unique as the storms themselves but there is one key that will help no matter what the storm you are facing in this life. What is the key to facing storms? The key to making it through the storms of life is to find meaning in the storms.

Legendary Psychiatrist and Holocaust Survivor, Viktor Frankl, details his experiences and his findings of being a psychiatrist in concentration camps in his book, “A Man’s Search For Meaning.” Frankl gave up a chance to immigrate to the United States and instead opted to stay in Vienna with his parents. In 1941, he met and married the love of his life, Tilly, and shortly after they were forced to abort their unborn child as Jews were forbidden to have children. Frankl, his parents and his wife were arrested in September 1942 and sent to Theresienstadt where his Dad passed away a few months later. Soon after, Frankl was separated from his mother and wife, and was forced to dig barefoot in the snow injured and starving. Frankl describes how simply imagining the face of his wife became a radiant sun that kept him warm. Although during this time Frankl battled his own depression, he offered therapy to his fellow inmates. He urged them to to sing and replay cherished memories to remind them of a life worth living and found that those who survived had a deeper purpose in life. Frankl was determined to be reunited with his wife and endured over 3 years of malnutrition, cruel beatings, and living in unimaginable conditions. He was liberated from the concentration camp by Allied Troops in 1945 only to find that his brother, mother were murdered in Auschwitz and his beloved 24 year old wife passed away at Bergen-Belsen a few months earlier in 1944. While in this state of despair, Frankl wrote, “Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.” When asked why he chose to share his story in his book, Frankl responded, “…to convey that life holds potential meaning under any conditions, even the most miserable ones.” For Frankl, finding meaning was the only way out of suffering. Having a meaning or a purpose was the key to weathering the storms.

This life was never meant to be smooth sailing. In fact, there is an african proverb that says, “Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.” Developing character and virtues like patience, diligence, humility and faith often are the pearls that come from adversity. Facing difficult challenges teaches us that we can do hard things. There are a few things that are helpful to remember while we are in the midst of a storm and can help us find meaning and purpose in them.

Everything can– and will– change. Storms do end.

You’ve overcome challenges before. Remember past storms that you have experienced and reflect on the what you learned about yourself having gone through them.

Being kind to yourself is the best medicine. You spend a lot of time in your head, so make it a pleasant place to be. Allow yourself to learn and grow from mistakes.

Although trials and storms are difficult it is important to remember that we are never left alone to face them. Surround yourself with people who truly care. Even if you feel that no one understands, it is important to know that God does and that He is omniscient–or all knowing. He knows, he hears and answers prayers.

Storms will come and go and we cannot control the weather but we can become master sailors and find meaning in them. As Victor Frankl said, “Man’s main concern is not to gain pleasure or avoid pain but rather to see a meaning in his life.”

Truth or Myth: Small, Consistent Acts Make A Greater Impact than Grandiose, Thoughtful Gestures.

Truth! This actually holds true whether you are talking about your relationship with a partner or spouse, your relationships with your kids, a relationship with a friend or coworker and even your relationship with yourself.

With a Spouse

It is the small things done often that make the biggest difference in relationships. These small things, are referred to as “bids”, which are really opportunities to pay attention to the small ways in which your partner reaches for you and attempts to connect. When you turn towards your partner in a response to an emotional bid, you are making an investment in your relationship that deepens your relationship in a way that a grandiose gesture never can. These responses to the small everyday bids are the key to connection and satisfaction in marriage. World renowned researcher, John Gottman, PHd, refers to this as emotional bank accounts, where turning towards each other’s bids results in a deposit in the account. On the other hand, turning away from each other’s attempts at connection will result in an withdrawl from the account. After a six year research study on newlyweds, Dr. Gottman discovered that couples who stayed together turned toward each other’s emotional bids 86 percent of the time, while those who went on to divorce turned toward each other’s bids only 33 percent of the time. By turning toward your partner’s emotional bids, you safeguard your relationship against disrepair and deepen the love you share.

This doesn’t only apply to marital relationships but even to relationships with our kids, our friends and ourselves.

With Your Kids

As luck would have it, we live close enough to the elementary school that our kids attend that they do not have a bus and so I have the opportunity to pick them up after school a lot. So, I am there with a lot of parents and have witnessed this interaction too many times to count and I am sure I have been guilty as well. It usually goes like this: the child comes up to the parent waving with anticipation a piece of paper. Once they get to the parent, they begin an animated dialogue about that piece of paper in their hand to suddenly stop and go quiet as their parent has taken the paper and without a glance or with a passing glance put the paper in their bag or just holds it to their side as they rush to get their child home. This crushing moment happens so quickly but it sends a message to the child in their first interaction with their parent, that they aren’t important. Now let’s be honest, time doesn’t always allow you in the moment to engage in a dialogue about each paper your child brings to show you but you can acknowledge that it is important to them and you want to be able to hear about it and then give them a time. “when we get home”, “after dinner”, “after we get out of the middle of the carpool line”. This is still a deposit and then keeping our word and returning to listen when we are capable becomes an additional deposit. You are teaching them that they matter to you and that they are important. This makes deeper and harder conversations much easier to have because you have created the ritual of listening to the small ones. The small things carry more weight than you think.

With Friends

There is really no one who could say it better than Mother Teresa who simply stated: “Do Small Things With Great Love.” Sometimes when the emotions are so high or the event so large that we don’t know what to do, we simply do nothing. We get lost in intentions of doing something big or waiting to figure out a way that would adequately show how much we really care.

My friend, Liz, just rang the now famous bell having completed her 8th round of chemo today. This is a moment that is absolutely huge and is a glimpse into the strong, determined character she has developed as her body is fighting breast cancer. However, I would say that an even bigger moment was a post that she shared in part after completing her 7th round of chemo. She reflected on what having cancer has taught her and one thing that she learned is that people will show up. She went on to mention the myriad of little things that those that love her have done for her since she was diagnosed ranging from meals, to errands run on her behalf, those who watched her 3 children, prayed, sent gifts, cards, cash, thoughtful check ins and phone calls. With her permission, I will share a few quotes: “What may have felt like a small sacrifice to them has made a huge impact on my soul. I am forever changed from the love and care I have been shown.”

Liz went on to give powerful advice she learned from being on the other side as the patient of cancer:

” • show up for the people you love so they know how much you care • check in so they know you haven’t forgotten that life will never be the same • show up but don’t be offended if they can’t answer the door/phone that day • go to the funeral • offer to help in various ways and follow through when you can • sit and listen • drop by just for a hug • send flowers • love on their kids • try to be sensitive about the words you speak • be grateful for your own parents, children and good health • whatever you do, just don’t do nothing. doing the wrong thing is better than not reaching out at all. “

Small and simple acts are more powerful than we realize.

With Yourself

This may seem strange to include ourselves here but there is more power in your relationship with yourself than you realize. In fact, if you don’t take care of yourself, you limit the gift you are and the ability to share that gift with others. There are a million different things you can do for the now well coined phrase, “Self-Care”, so I will not mention them all but I do want to emphasize the simple power of consistent, small actions. Listening to your body–identifying thoughts and feelings— and acknowledging them with a small and simple act— from simply making a circular motion with your shoulders when you are feelings stressed or getting up and taking a drink of water— they are the key to being able to truly progress and to take care of the gift that you are.

The Most Powerful Question That You Can Ask Yourself {Including the #1 Tip to Key Into That Power}

What is the most powerful question that you can ask yourself? That question is this: What is it that you hope for? And the follow up question: What are you doing to make that a reality? Hope is a universal necessity that is essential for everyone regardless of your age, gender or socio-economic status. Hope is the true and basic desires of your heart and it is what propels us forward even when we can’t see the finish line. So what can you do to key into the power of hope? Simply write out your hopes and dreams on paper. Writing down hopes and dreams allows your mind and heart to be on the same page working together.

There is a power in being honest with yourself in writing down and working towards what your hopes and dreams are. If you are hesitant to write them down, start with spending a few moments pondering the reason(s) why. Are you worried if you fail what that would mean? Are you not able to see the end result and therefore feel a little it is a daunting dream to write down a goal that seems out of reach? Are you not sure what control you have over the situation and therefore are uncertain about stating a goal that is outside of your complete control? Are you worried about the reactions of others to your goal and so the vulnerability required to acknowledge a dream seems too difficult? Are you unsure about how to go about reaching your dream and so it seems easier to daydream instead of actively pursue it? Whatever your reasons, my hope is that you will take a step of faith and allow the power of hope to work in your life. Key into the power of hope and let that be your guiding force as you work towards your dreams and goals. There really isn’t a more powerful force or motivation.

#1 Tip to Finding Joy: Learn How to Celebrate the Little Things

It is important, whether it is in your job, in your marriage, or with your children, that you are able to find joy in the process, not just in the outcome. The thought, “I’ll be happy when…” is the robber of many moments of happiness and joy. The key is to learn to celebrate the everyday small things.

It has been said that Rome was not built in a day. Neither are your relationships with your spouse or your children. In fact, most of the success comes in the small everyday actions that build cities, individuals and families. It is important to look for, recognize and celebrate those small moments that contribute to the process and find joy in them.

This is something that I strive to do and I make an honest effort to catch my children doing something good and I will make a mention of the impact of that effort. Many times they are unable to see how their actions whether they are positive or negative impact the world around them. Just yesterday, I accompanied my daughter’s 4th grade class on their field trip to visit the State Capitol building and I brought my 6 year-old son and my 4 year-old daughter. As we went to enter the building, my son, on his own accord, opened the door and then held that door open for the classes to enter. I mentioned what a thoughtful idea that was and how much he helped using his strength and hard work and how everyone was able to enter the building faster especially the students carrying the lunch bucket. Little did I realize the impact of that compliment and how many doors are part of the tour of the Capitol building ;). It became his mission to open the door whenever he could and to hold it open until he was the last one in the room. It was a small token of kindness but one that brought joy to many and helped him to develop hard work, think of others rather than himself and to be kind. Watching him became a moment of joy in the process of parenting for me.

It is easy to get caught up in the celebrations that are celebrated by others in the world–the valedictorian or the talented athlete. It takes thought and effort to find reasons and ways to celebrate character traits that are not measured by a GPA or a high vertical jump. While excelling in school or on the field are accomplishments from months and years of training, the true joy lies not in the outcome but the process.

I once watched an olympic athlete who placed second celebrate more than I have ever seen- in fact–I would go as far as to say that they outwardly celebrated more than the person who placed first by hundreds of a second. It could have been really easy to focus on those hundreds of a second that cost them the gold medal, but that outcome wasn’t their focus.

At my son’s T-Ball game a few weeks ago I was able to watch that same reaction by an opposing player who had some delays that affected his physical body but not his heart. After swinging and missing a dozen or so pitches, they brought out the Tee for him to hit off which in the Rookie little league is sometimes a fate worse than death. However, this boy appeared unaffected by this “plight” and then swung with all his might and after a few swings and misses from the tee, managed to hit the tee and the ball so that the ball was knocked off the tee and traveled maybe two feet before it rolled to a stop. That young man ran to 1st base pumping his arms in the air like he had hit a homerun in the world series. How amazing would it be if we all celebrated the small meaningful moments like him.

So, look for ways to highlight the small, everyday moments. You’ll be amazed at the joy you can discover there.

Truth or Myth: There is Power and Healing in a Simple Touch of a Hand.

Truth! Professor, Researcher and 2016 Psychologist of the Year, Dr. Susan Johnson actually created a research study to determine the power of a simple touch. While in an MRI machine, participants were told that when an “X” flashed on the screen, they may or not receive a slight shock on their ankle. Participants were recorded alone, with a stranger holding their hand and with their spouse holding their hand. The results were the beginning of a whole new way at looking at love, attachment and emotional bonding. They discovered that the same location that signals physical pain to the brain registers emotional hurt and that in this experiment, when experiencing the shock, the participants would report the shock as “uncomfortable” when they were holding a loved one’s hand whereas alone or with a stranger the shock was registered as painful. Dr. Johnson determined that, “Love is a safety cue that literally calms and comforts the neurons in our brains.” The studies show that just holding your loved one’s hand can calm your brain and shut down fear.

In another recent study conducted by The Center for Humanizing Care of 14 hospitals with intensive care units(ICU), 90% of the 125 clinicians surveyed said that family presence during a procedure is a generally positive experience. They found that having someone there to hold the hand of a patient during a procedure can also be beneficial to the doctors as the patients require less restraints and/or calming medications due to the comfort provided by their loved one. Instead of restricting visiting hours at these ICUs, now family members do not necessarily have to leave when doctors are performing invasive or potentially traumatic procedures like an intubation, placing a central intravenous line, inserting a chest tube or even resuscitation a patient.

Research has also shown that having family in the ICU with a patient can help them all deal with the depression and anxiety that often follows a stay in the ICU, called post-intensive care syndrome, even reducing the impact of it long-term.

So, the next time you have a difficult discussion with your spouse or your child or notice that your emotions are starting to escalate, reach for their hand. Emotional connection is more powerful than you realize and that simple act of touch has the ability to calm emotions and situations quicker than you can like this post.

Truth or Myth: In Order To Be Vulnerable, You Need To Be Courageous

Truth! Society often portrays being vulnerable as the opposite of courage—that if you are vulnerable that you are weak. You need to be invincible and so we seek to try and control as much of the outcomes that we can. However, the truth is that courage and vulnerability work hand in hand and it takes vulnerability to be courageous. The truth is that it takes courage to be the first to say that you are sorry and that takes being vulnerable. It takes courage to bring a child in this world and that means being vulnerable realizing you don’t know how to be a parent. It takes courage to put yourself out there in the dating world and risk rejection and that requires being vulnerable.

Brene Brown, the vulnerability guru, emphasizes this truth about courage and vulnerability describing a visit to Fort Bragg (the largest military base in the world—and where my brother-in-law and his family will be stationed in a few months):

“I was recently at Fort Bragg speaking to soldiers and joint special operations. It’s a hard group to talk about vulnerability with, because in a combat situation vulnerability equals death, and their job is to minimize vulnerability. So I asked them to come up with an example of courage that they’ve witnessed that wasn’t completely defined by a willingness to be vulnerable, a willingness to engage in risk, uncertainty, and emotional exposure. And no one could come up with an example.”

So take the leap of faith and have the courage it takes to be vulnerable. Vulnerability holds a lot of power. When you risk and reach out, that is where the magic happens, where connections are made and strengthened. As Brene Brown says: “Vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage. Tell me how vulnerable someone is willing to be, and I’ll tell you how brave they’re willing to be.” Be Brave!